cat food counts as protein by the way
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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