Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
