One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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