If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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