at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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