so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
