OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I have feelings that need drinking.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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