Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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