her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
