If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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