i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
