Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
