just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
You did what with his pubic hair?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
