Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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