She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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