Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Randomize
