Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
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While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
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You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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