you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
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worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
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will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
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