Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
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