remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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