Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
