Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
