home. puking in laundry basket.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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