put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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