is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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