these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
