Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
