I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
We are two peas in an std pod
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
