So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
