I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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