i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
There's always time for handjobs
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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