guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
