He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
