Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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