All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
