woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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