My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
