I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
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