i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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