I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
