Redeem this text for a blowjob
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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