I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Randomize
