If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
