had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
