escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
