don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
