I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
