I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
