she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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