4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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