Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
