his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
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So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize