dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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