i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
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Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
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