where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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