What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
