Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
