Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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