Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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