I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I think I died a long time ago.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
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i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
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HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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