Your tits are I can't wait for
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
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In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
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You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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