so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
And then he peed in my hair
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