I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
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Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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