Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
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