I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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