I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
