Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
