About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
