I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Randomize
