it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
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