I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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